


Empty Kiss

by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot)



Series: All for the Game Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortheloveofcamelot/pseuds/Leahelisabeth
Summary: Based on a Tumblr prompt for an empty kiss.





	Empty Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ApprenticedMagician](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApprenticedMagician/gifts).



Andrew knew something had shifted when feelings started to break through his drug fueled haze. At first, it was weak, just fleeting impressions sneaking through when he approached sobriety. There was fear, the urge to run, and, most improbably, every once in awhile he actually cared about Exy. The anger, the stubbornness, those he recognized, those could almost be his own, but the longing to be a part of the family, that was something that he had stomped out long ago.

Again, he blames the drugs because it took him far too long to realise the feelings were not his own. They belonged to this boy, the rabbit, scarred and terrified, but strong and full of words like knives, Neil Josten, the runaway, soulmate to the monster.

He wonders if Neil knows. He mustn’t. Would the longing to belong be this strong if he knew his soul had found a home? He wonders sometimes if Neil can feel anything from his side of the bond and if the drugs would let him care, he would rail at the injustice. 

It takes months for the mark to even begin to show. It’s a fox paw because of course it is. Neil’s obsessed. And Andrew thinks it fits somehow because maybe if there was nothing standing in the way and he could let Neil be his everything, he would be drawn into everything else he was missing, the home and family that the Palmetto Foxes provided.

He traces the lines over and over in bed at night, pressing hard, trying to feel what he knows it should mean but he usually falls asleep without an answer.

Thanksgiving arrives and everything changes again. Drake happens and Andrew is separated from everyone, separated from Neil, and he's getting clean. He traces the mark every time he can't sleep, when the pain from withdrawal grows too much. He wishes he could feel Neil, that he could draw strength from his feelings, from a Christmas celebrated with friends, and a new year full of possibility. But he is also happy that the bond hasn’t darkened yet and Neil won't have his Christmas ruined by Andrew’s pain.

And then he comes back, and Neil is bruised and broken, and Andrew never really believed this was real. But sometimes now, Neil lets him pin him to the ground and kiss him slowly and the fox paw on his forearm is red as scarlet. Neil blushes as red as the mark when he finally pulls up the hem of his shorts to let Andrew see the outline of the key traced on his inner thigh. Andrew kisses Neil like his life depends on it and waits for the other shoe to drop.

The away game in Binghamton is an exercise in restraint. He sits beside Neil in the bus and can feel every thought and feeling as Neil remembers their kisses the night before. Neil is dangerous. Andrew makes promises.

He feels a spike of fear from Neil as he waits for him outside the showers. He almost barges in to demand an explanation but Neil calms almost immediately. Neil exits the showers, his hair wet and his shirt clinging to his skin as if he hadn’t properly dried off before putting it on. He looks around, able to hide his hint of surprise from everyone but Andrew. He comes and stands directly in front of Andrew and smiles. It isn’t a smile that Andrew recognizes.

“Thank you. You were amazing,” Neil says, and Andrew is overwhelmed. Neil is leaving the stadium, right behind the security guard before Andrew can even begin to sort out what Neil had just given him. There is pride, and something Andrew thought might be love, but there is fear too, and bitter determination, and Andrew runs to catch up to Neil when he realised the sour thread running through everything is goodbye.

Then the riot begins and he is too late. He can feel fear and pain from Neil, enough to drive him mad. He barely feels the elbow driving into his eye. 

And then the riot ends and the fear and pain go on. Andrew finds Neil’s duffle, phone tucked inside, and his Exy racquet a few feet away, handle broken and splintered. Neil is nowhere. 

And no one else seems worried. Dan is preoccupied with Matt’s injuries. Wymack and Abby are perfectly calm and say they will call around to the other hospitals once they have had time to get organised. There is no reason to panic now. Everyone he knows is sitting, laughing, relieved to be alive and safe, and his own world is imploding. Pain is fluttering up and down his hands and arms. Andrew knows intimately what a razor to the forearm feels like. Fire licks at his inner thigh and his soulmark explodes in pain. Andrew screams hoarsely and doubles over, collapsing to the floor.

Abby is there a moment later, frantically patting him down for injuries. Andrew can't speak because it is suddenly much too quiet. The place in his mind that Neil had occupied since they met is empty and echoing. Even the residual ache from Neil’s pain has disappeared entirely.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,” Andrew whispers as he tears off his right armband. “It’s not black, he’s alive.” But the mark has changed to a deep purple and Andrew doesn't know what that means.

“Neil’s…” Dan chokes. “He’s your soulmate?”

Nicky deflates, pulled a wad of cash out of his wallet, and hands it to Allison. Dan shoots them a venomous glare.

“We’ll get him back, Andrew,” Wymack starts but Andrew is done, he pushes past them all and locks himself in the bathroom. He doesn't emerge until Wymack knocks on the door hours later. 

“He’s been found. The FBI has him,” he says simply.

Andrew stands and strides out into the main room. Two men in suits stand there, falsely sympathetic. Andrew marches right up to the taller of the two men, grabs his black tie, and yanks the man’s face down to his level. “Where is Neil? I want to see him.”

The man fights and Andrew loses himself to a haze of rage until he feels metal around his wrist and recognizes Wymack’s face. “You can’t do anything for Neil if they lock you up,” Wymack says. 

Andrew listens. But he doesn’t settle until he comes back from parking the bus and Neil is there in front of him again. It feels wrong. Neil is on his knees and Andrew is front of him. He’s close enough to touch, so why can’t he feel him? Andrew gently peels the bandages off Neil’s face and the wrongness intensifies. The burns, the cuts, those would have been agonizing, and Andrew hadn’t felt them at all.

Andrew leans forward, grasps the back of Neil’s neck, and pulls him into a desperate kiss, heedless of the people watching. And it’s just empty, it’s nothing, Neil isn’t kissing back. Andrew pushes closer, frantic, trying to find the fire of their kisses from only days before. But nothing changes. It’s like Neil doesn’t even care.

Neil pulls back first. Andrew tries to chase his lips but Neil’s hand is firm on his chest and it so clearly is shouting no. Neil clutches at his inner thigh, the place his soulmark had formed, and Andrew could see the bulk of bandages under his pants.

“I’m sorry,” Neil says hollowly. “I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t let you feel my death. I...I broke it.”

For the first time, Andrew can understand why Neil ran. All he wants to do is run until he can't feel anymore. He misses the oblivion of the drugs. But he didn’t run. Neil still had to be questioned by the FBI and, even if Neil would never feel the same way about him again, he has to make sure Neil returned, that Neil can keep his found family, his Foxes.

Returning to Palmetto is probably the hardest thing he has ever done. Reminders of what he has lost are everywhere. He can't go to his rooftop refuge, he wants to tear the beanbag chairs in their living room apart. Mere hours after returning, he finds himself sitting on his bed, armbands on the pillow beside him, his sharpest knife resting in his hand, poised over the fox paw on his forearm. One quick slice and he can stop feeling all of this. 

A soft knock interrupts his musing. He shoves the knife under the pillow with a promise of later and answers the door. Neil stands there, black garbage bags and duct tape cradled in his bandaged arms.

“I’m sorry,” Neil says. “I need to shower but I can’t cover...my hands…” He shrugs. “I didn’t want Matt to see my scars.”

And Andrew nods and follows Neil to the bathroom because he doesn’t know what he’s asking. There’s so much weight to this moment, seeing Neil completely naked for the first time. The soulmark is hardly visible. The outline of the key is broken by white jagged lines as if Neil had torn it open with his fingernails. It’s the only wound that has already healed and scarred. Andrew wants to touch it but Neil’s answer is no longer yes. 

He helps Neil cover his wounds and turns on the shower. He should leave but this might be his last moment to let himself feel and he’s not ready for it to end. He follows Neil into the shower, fully clothed, and starts to shampoo his hair. Neil faces him. Andrew almost wishes he would turn away. He can feel the water running down his neck and Neil is so close. Neil bends for a moment, chasing a rivulet of water as it snakes down Andrew’s neck. Andrew moans and Neil pulls back, blushing.

Andrew finishes Neil’s hair and kneels down to wash his legs and feet. He’s eye level with Neil’s cock and this is not how he imagined being in this position.

“I wanted this so much,” Neil speaks hoarsely from above him. “I would dream about this. I remember the want, everything I felt about you. But it’s like there is a wall between me now and me then. I wish I could go back.”

Andrew is suddenly glad that the water pouring down his face disguises his tears. He blinks up at Neil. “Yes or no?” He holds his breath.

Neil face twists but he nods and Andrew leans forward and sucks him down. Neil cries out brokenly and Andrew tries to pour everything he has ever received through the bond from Neil into this one encounter that would never be repeated. Neil sobs when he comes. Andrew crowds him into the wall of the shower, keeping him on his feet. He grips one hand around the back of Neil’s neck and holds eye contact and his other hand slips down into his pants tugging and stroking, completely silent as he finds his own orgasm.

“Goodbye, Neil,” he says and he leaves the shower, dripping water back into his own room. The soulmark on his forearm has faded into a light gray and Andrew knows it is over. He scratches absentmindedly at the side of his neck where Neil’s lips had been mere minutes before. He looks in the mirror and sees the faintest outline of a fox paw where before had been unmarked skin.

He dashes back over to Neil’s room. Neil is scratching the back of his neck and craning to get a look at it in the mirror. Andrew looks and rests his forehead on the back of Neil’s neck. It’s a key. Andrew is feeling again. He’s not sure if it’s from his own heart or that of the boy in front of him, but he knows what the feeling is, it’s hope.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Empty Kiss (Filling the Void Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14998943) by [Dancyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancyon/pseuds/Dancyon)




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